|Good morning! Hope you are enjoying the incredible weather. Despite all our attempts to protect our walkers from sharks, many weeks people say that want more “medical stuff” in our newsletter. They want more “science”. Well, we’re listening and this week is for you. My cardiology service call wraps up Monday am at 0700 and my adorable wife and I are headed to the Bourbon Trail (her super idea). Anyway, all this got me thinking about a landmark medical study that is now almost 20 years old. Today’s study arrives courtesy of The Onion. |
Report: Aspirin Taken Daily With Bottle Of Bourbon Reduces Awareness Of Heart Attacks
PHILADELPHIA-In a medical breakthrough that should come as welcome news for millions of at-risk Americans, University of Pennsylvania cardiologists announced Tuesday that taking one aspirin tablet and a fifth of bourbon daily can “significantly reduce” an individual’s awareness of heart attacks.
“This study represents a major victory in the fight against heart disease, America’s number-one killer,” said Dr. Arthur Katzeff, head of the University of Pennsylvania team. “Each year, more than two million Americans clutch their chests in terror and say, ‘Holy s—! I’m having a f—ing heart attack!’ With this revolutionary new aspirin-bourbon treatment, however, such fully conscious incidents of cardiac arrest may soon be a thing of the past.”
According to Katzeff, test subjects who were administered a single aspirin tablet in the morning, followed by a fifth of bonded Kentucky bourbon over the next several hours, were 85 percent less likely to realize they were having a heart attack than subjects who did not take aspirin with bourbon.
Americans are excited about the findings. “My four heart attacks have all been hellish,” said Ronald Diering, an Evansville, IN, auto mechanic. “I was aware of everything that was happening, and I was gripped by the fear that I was going to die. But with this new aspirin-bourbon treatment, future heart attacks should be much less traumatic.”
“Who wants to spend what could be their last moments on Earth in terror?” said Alex Broadhurst of San Jose, CA. “Better to enjoy another bourbon and lie on the floor waiting for the ambulance to show up.”
University of Pennsylvania researchers said individuals who take aspirin and bourbon in the prevention of heart attacks may experience certain side effects, including slurred speech, impaired vision, and vomiting.
Upon waking up from a heart attack, researchers said, there is also a chance of having “a wicked hangover.” In such cases, individuals are strongly advised to avoid bright lights and not to move around too much.
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Welcome To The Family!
Focused Path Integrative Health and Wellness in Chandler, AZ (Amber Pena Posey) – Jessica’s home state. She is now on honeymoon day 3/26 – climbing European mountains!
Rajapakar Village in Rajapakar, State of Bihar, India (Dr. Azad and Dr. Ayush Kumar) – we ordered a Nat Geo Map of India this week and as soon as I get some stickies it’s going up next to our U.S. map.
Salinas Valley Memorial Healthcare System in Salinas, CA (Dr. James Gilbert, OBGYN and Tiffany DiTullio) Which well known author is the reason for the #1 and #3 things to do when in Salinas, CA?
South Peninsula Hospital in Homer, AK (Dr. Rob Downey and Bonita Banks).Do you know what city Northern Exposure took place in? Not this one.